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What a sporting week this has been for our nation. The national football team are more than likely not going to qualify for Euro 2008 championships after strugging against “footballng superpower” Russia. The Rugby Union team struggle to overturn the Springboks and Lewis Hamilton’s chance of capturing the F1 crown in his first season slips away from him at the final race in Brazil. If you give a shit then you’re probably down in the dumps and could do with cheering up. You could do worse than check out Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job for a quick laugh. First brought to my attention by a Peter Serafainwicz interview for the Guardian in which he claims it to be “the funniest US comedy for years”. Not sure about that but it does have it’s moments of brilliance particularly Dr Steve Brule. You can catch it on Adult Swim here in the UK (late night on Bravo) or in the States (late night Cartoon Network). For those who cant be arsed to sit up and wait for this or dont have Sky, cable, etc, here’s the first episode.

If like me, give or take a few years away at higher education, you’ve spent pretty much all your life in Wakefield, you in time will have crossed paths with Smithy aka Supercockle aka Geoff the Fishman. Well, sad news is upon us. The fishy one has shuffled off this mortal coil. For years Geoff had trundled round Wakefield pubs and clubs in his Morris Minor selling Crabsticks, Prawn Cocktails, Peperamis, Cockles and Mussels to the drunken revellers who,after 5 or 6 pints, Geoff was a sight to behold. From having my parents manage pubs throughout Wakefield from 1980 until their Lupset swansong in 2006, Geoff has supplied me with many a late Kershaw’s fishfood supper since I was a wee nipper. He was an absolute star, a lovely bloke and will be sorely missed.

R.I.P Fishman

According to an article in the Times today, Paris Hilton thinks that she should be spared from serving a 45-day jail sentence for a drink driving offence because “she provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our mundane lives.” Firstly, the way that she thinks that her “celebrity status” or money somehow elevates her above the law stinks. She broke the law, as many of us do but she got caught so she should deal with it. Secondly, the fact that she claims to provide beauty and excitement. Not in my eyes she doesn’t. Not unless you consider a dodgy porn tape exciting and an annoying pout coupled with a car alighting upskirt shot to be beauty. Fair enough, she scrubs up well but she is no beauty. The fact that her fate lays in the hands of Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger makes this even more bizarre. I reckon he should stick rods up to her request, march her into jail personally, dressed as T-800 and with her dressed as Sarah Connor. Purely for shits and giggles like.

The Grand National takes place in Aintree today. It’s that time of year again where thousands people who otherwise have no interest in the gee-gees become obsessed with the 40 horse lottery of Liverpool. For some this means vast winnings, for some vast losses but the majority of people, me included, see it as an excuse for a pub visit and a out of the norm bet. It’s a laugh though and who knows my horse might do it for me. Although saying that it’s not much of a laugh for the horses I guess. They have a afternoon of hedges, whippings, potential death and a one way visit to the glue factory. My money is on L’Ami so heres hoping…

It must be a slow news day as all over the press this morning are reports of Prince William splitting from long term partner Kate posh-totty Middleton. How is this front page news? Why is this the lead 10 o’clock story on Sky News? Why are journalists giving live satellite feeds from outside their houses? They’re a mid twenties couple who have separated. Granted it’s royalty but christ, the way the press are reacting it’s like this never happens to youngsters nowadays. Considering today is a Saturday, there must have been plenty of Stella Artois and blue WKD instigated arguments across the high streets of Britain last night. Many of these will have resulted in the usual vomiting taxi journeys, shit-in-a-tray takeaway punch ups, and A&E visits but I’ll put money on there being countless relationship break ups and fall outs too. It inevitable but you don’t get the Sun, Daily Mirror or the Guardian camped at the bottom of Wakefield High Street waiting to interview Sharon and Dave on account of him touching some girls arse. I can’t figure out why not. It’s no more interesting than seeing the real-life soap opera of the Royal parasites pan out across the red-tops and broadsheets. The irony of all this is that they have reportedly split due to the intense media pressure surrounding the relationship. Looks like this should stop it then…

I stumbled across a piece on BBC news today. Does this mean its going to be funny this time? Probably not. When did the last time a british sitcom transfer to the states successfully? I still struggle to see it as funny despite it consistently sitting high in Britains Best Sitcom polls and the like. Dont get me started on Only Fools and Horses…

Apparently there are 50 times more bacteria on your kitchen chopping board than on your toilet seat. I wonder if the person researching this now chops his food on the shitter and sits on his chopping board? Perhaps he or she doesn’t use a chopping board at all. Imagine the state of their kitchen surfaces. Perhaps they don’t use knives to avoid marking the surfaces. They would have to use their hands like cave dwellers. I’m not having a sandwich they make. Imagine the bacteria on it.