Phil Collins Airbourne Death Pipe

For those of you who don’t know. I’ve just returned from my hols in a sunnier place than home. Certainly sunnier than home at the moment. Ever since getting off the plane nearly 48 hours ago it’s managed to constantly piss it down. Now I fully understand that we are in Autumn but for chrissakes this is taking the piss (or should that be giving it). Anyway, I digress. One of the joys of venturing anywhere further than France in a plane are the joys of in-flight entertainment. Second to the joys of having red hot pokers thrust into your eyes that is. In-flight entertainment generally consists of episodes of The Simpsons which you first saw over 10 years ago, Scooby-Doo, 12 certificate films with all the best bits taken out as to not upset the likkle chillun and DVT exercise videos with Mr Motivator (here’s an idea – take a few more rows of seats out, put the price up by a tenner for the privilege and maybe I wont die of cramp never mind DVT). Well this time for me it was the nadir of in-flight entertainment. A music show was on called Noisebomb or Acoustic Guff or something and as someone who likes his music the show managed to tear me away from mindlessly chewing the seat in front of me. That was until I saw the subject of this show. Phil “Potato Face” Collins, drummer graduate extraordinaire. The show featured clips from his new DVD “Phil Collins – Finally – The First Farewell Tour”. Didn’t quite catch it? Here you are again, “Phil Collins – Finally – The First Farewell Tour”. How arrogant is that? First farewell tour!!! Like anybody wants him to say bye twice? Like anybody wants to see his fat Buster face lolling on top of his snowman body telling us all how he can’t dance and doesn’t require a jacket. I’ve never being a big fan of Phil Collins but obviously some people are. According to the review of some PhiLover on Amazon he “is in good vocal shape, but not as amazing as on the Live And Loose In Paris release from ’97” Nothing is ever loose on Phil Collins. Trust me. Not even a 4 man tent. Maybe I’m being a bit harsh on Bob Hoskin’s stunt double and to be honest it’s more a rant at in flight entertainment than anything else. I mean, does a plane full of Ayia Napa gurners really want to watch Phil Collins? Air companies, please do some demographic studies on your flights before something like this pushes people over the edge and you land with a winged death pipe consisting of 150 slaughtered passengers and crew.

Also Liverpool, Champions of Europe, lost to Crystal Palace in the League Cup. Shame that.
He’s nearly crying…..

p.s. If you’re reading Phil, sorry if I’ve upset you but Dave Grohl is how to graduate from the drums. You wont find him sound tracking Disney movies

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