Drug Trials

I think its fair to say that the recent coverage of the drugs trials show that those ones are not that safe to take….

“Lucky” Raste Khan was one of two volunteers which took a placebo dose. He said that “Some screamed out that their heads felt like they were going to explode”. It has yet to be confirmed whether he stumbled in to audition of a remake of the David Cronenberg 1981 classic Scanners. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not taking the piss but if you partake in a Russian roulette drugs trial then surely you accept the risks that something untoward may happen. Since this has occurred all kinds of stories have surfaced. My favourite has been in the Sun “The head of trainee plumber Ryan Wilson, 21, is three times its normal size and his limbs are purple. Doctors said his chances of survival were slim.”

Fuck off. Three times the size? I’m not having that. Even if it is true, what have the Sun gone and done with their compassionate ways? Called him “Elephant Man” that’s what. Just what you need when you are on your last legs, to be compared to John Merrick.

What this does bring to the fore is the argument for or against testing on animals. I ‘m not for it and I agree that its somewhat cruel to force feed a drug through the eyes of a small lab rat but hey it ain’t me that’s going to end up with a head three times the size of Old Trafford. What’s the alternative? Picture the scene;

Hospital waiting room.

Red eyed lady and stern faced doctor face to face.

“I’m sorry Mrs Smith. We did everything to help him and our last resort was to use TGN1412.”

“Why didn’t it work” Mrs Smith says sobbing uncontrollably

“Well. We only tried it on a loaf of bread and a venus flytrap”

Mrs Smith manages “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” before collapsing to the ground.

“Nurse. Get the TNG 1412. Maybe this time it’ll work”

Anyways, if the Animal Testing protestors don’t agree they can put themselves forward. I’d like to see the outcome of force feeding Bulghur Wheat cocktails laced with TGN 1412 has on a hippy whilst trying to “help mankind”. [quote Unlucky Drug Taker]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.