Pigeon Alterations

Ahhh the wonder of science. Ahhh the wonder of Mother Nature. Ahhh the wonder of man’s constant need to piss about with the both of them. Some things are obviously beneficial to mankind. A cure for Cancer, a cure for AIDS or a solution to global warming perhaps but who thought of remote controlled pigeons? Scientists in China say they have succeeded in controlling the flight of pigeons with micro electrodes planted in their brains. The implants stimulate different areas of the pigeon’s brain according to signals sent by the scientists via computer, and force the bird to comply with their commands.

These are clearly very clever people and perhaps one day this technology can be used in humans but for now the scientists are sticking to the sky rats despite them not specifying practical uses for remote-controlled pigeons. Not that clever then are they. I’m no scientist but here are a few suggestions;

  • Catch the (Remote Controlled) Pigeon – Live from Trafalgar Square. One team control remote control bi-planes and try to shoot his or her opponents pigeon out the sky. Hosted by John Shuttleworth
  • Celebrity Pigeon On Ice – Where Z-listers get to simultaneously dance, skate, and fly with their pigeon to Ravel’s Bolero, 5,6,7,8 by Steps or The Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up.
  • The police could use them to attack glue sniffing hoodies from a safe distance. A flock of say….five thousand pigeons should do it.
  • Install a camera on their heads and you could use them to collect the newspaper or depending on size and strength of said pigeon, the weekly shop.

Given a bit of thought there must be hundreds of uses for a remote control pigeon. Somewhat shortsighted, the Chinese. I wonder if they’re looking for an ideas man…….

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